So last week, well almost two weeks ago now, I had PRK eye surgery. There will be a Vlog about that experience on my Youtube, but not a written blog. Anyway, it's relevant to this, but not that important. 

So, let's get into what is important....

If you follow me on social media you probably know that I'm on 24/7. Between being a wife & a mommy, working full time, dealing with a lot of personal craziness, running a hauling company with the hubby, my book, and everything I do in the paranormal community, my life is pretty much non-stop. I am distracted, thinking, and/or multi-tasking at all times, even as I'm desperately trying to fall asleep each night 

I've been pretty open with the fact that my gifts have drastically suffered over the past couple years and that I knew it had a great deal to do with the difficult mental and emotional state I had been in during that time. I've talked about how your physical, mental, and emotional state can effect your gifts here and there, but this is a little different. I realized while recovering from my surgery that while there's no question that my emotional state has had a large part to do with my gifts suffering, so did that fact that I was turned on 24/7 (not like that).

So lets go back to after my surgery. I had to spend several days, about 3-4, basically in my bed in pure dark. I was in so much pain that I literally couldn't think about anything else. I remember knowing the pain had wore off because suddenly my brain was doing the non-stop running crap again and I was sort of sad about that. I also couldn't physically be on my phone, on the computer, laptop, tv, etc.. It was too painful to use electronics or even go outside at that point. There were zero distractions, it was me and the darkness for days. Well, not completely, I had quite a few visitors. no, not just my family, "visitor" visitors. 

Here's a little secret, despite knowing logically, ok the term logic in this conversation seems funny, but seriously, despite knowing logically that my gifts are a birthright and not a physical mechanic of my body; I still couldn't help, but worry that somehow having the surgery would effect my gifts, especially my gift of sight. I know that sounds ridiculous, but my astigmatism was literally off every optician's chart I had ever been to. That means instead of my actual eyeball being round, it was super football shaped. I always wondered if God made my eyes that shape so that I could see through planes others couldn't and by changing that shape, well I was afraid I'd lose that sight too; luckily that was NOT the case.

Now, granted the past two years have been the most in-active years I've had since I was a kid, still I had more activity in those 3-4 days than I've had in at least a year. At first I thought, "Holy crap, what if the surgery had the opposite effect and now I have to adjust to seeing them even more???", but that thought shortly faded away as I realized "Oh wait, they've just figured out there's nothing distracting me anymore.". As the days went on I sadly was in way too much pain to entertain them or even really communicate with them, but they made sure to communicate with me plenty and I legit could feel a sense of relief in my room. 

Here's the thing, my room always has a lot of spirits in it, so much so that my daughter won't stay in my room alone and makes me shut the door if no one is in the room; she says it's too strong and she can feel them from her room (across the hall). However, despite feeling them and knowing they're there, I've always felt sort of a huge wall between us for some reason. I always assumed it was the house and just the personalities of the spirits, like that they were just interested in observing, so in terms of interaction or activity it's always been very limited. I felt that wall disappear during those 3-4 days and like I said, I felt a true sigh of relief come off of the spirits in my room, which was odd I thought. Eventually I came to realize that the wall was mine, not theirs or the house's, it was all mine. Most likely for two years they've been sitting here going "I know this chick can see and hear us, why won't she listen???"; that has had to be very frustrating for them and yes, I do feel bad, but I honestly didn't put it all together until just now.

I have to un-plug sometimes. I need to try and keep my mood and environment as positive as possible for my gifts, true, but at the end of the day I've come to realize that even if I'm doing well physically, mentally, and emotionally, if I'm still as distracted as I am, as often as I am, spirits still aren't going to be able to get through.

When you were little do you remember going up to your parents when they were in the middle of a discussion with someone else or they were working on something really intensely. You're talking away or trying to show them something and you know they can physically hear and see you, but at the same time you're upset and yell "You're not even listening to what I'm saying" or "You didn't even really look!". That's what this is like, but in my case times about ten. Yes I can feel them around, maybe I even get a glance of them here or there or hear sounds or a little chatter, but I'm not seeing them crystal clear or hearing their individual words because I'm too distracted with everything else. Keep that momentum too long and you go years with decreased activity like myself and that in itself can be depressing and frustrating; at least it has been for me. 

I want each of you to try to take some time each week to just do nothing at all, to just be. I'd say every day, but let's be real, that may just not be practical in your life right now. I plan to try this myself. I have tried countless times over the years to learn how to shut off my brain, hell even quiet it, and to meditate; sadly I've never succeeded. I hope to find a way some day, but for now it's my goal to just take a few hours, once a week, to just be. Maybe I'll read and drink some tea or something, but no work, no electronics, no traveling, just woo saa'ing it for a bit. I think it's important for me to un-plug not just on a mental and physical level, but in terms of my gifts as well and coming to that realization led me to want to share that info with all of you.

If you've had a blockage in your gifts, yes it could be due to health, stress, and emotional issues, but it also could be as simple as the fact you're just too distracted and you need to un-plug for a bit. Anyway, those are just my very long-winded thoughts for the night. I hope they help and that you didn't fall asleep reading all of this.

Until next time.....

- ParanormalPI